Showing posts with label cycling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cycling. Show all posts

Monday, June 20, 2011

AIDS Lifecycle 10 - Recap days 6 & 7

DAY 6 Lompoc to Ventura (86 miles, appx 3,500 ft climbing)
By day six the aches and pains of sleeping on the ground surrounded by loud snoring men and the toll of averaging 80 some odd miles a day being to creep up on you. I overheard many conversations of people describing themselves as "cranky" and I was accused of being less than amicable on an occasion or two. I will admit it, I was grumpy BUT I was not alone. Even for seasoned cyclists, this is not an easy ride and add camping and no/little/poor sleep, it will wear on even the most up beat of people (at least that is my excuse). The amazing aspect of this ride is that even when you aren't feeling great or in a bit of a funk, there is always someone or something to snap you out of it.

Today that was the City of Santa Barbara (or possibly the Santa Barbara Chamber?? - I am not sure who to give the credit too). Each year Santa Barbra sets up there own rest stop for us completely separate from ALC. They are happy that we are creating massive chaos in a highly tourist trafficked area?? In all seriousness, they appreciate what we are doing and want to show their gratitude. Even though there are boxes and boxes of snacks at each rest stop, they are the same boxes and boxes so a little variety is pretty exciting. We had ice cream and table of topping, cookies, pastries and the freshest fruit cup! In my normal cycling would I EVER (like never ever) eat diary on a ride, I honestly can't tell you the last time I had real ice cream. I rarely treat myself to frozen yogurt, but I ponyed up to a big bowl of Mocha Chocolate Chip with chocolate syrup. The rest of the day was pretty flat, so I wasn't too concerned.

Santa Barbara Rest Stop - Day 6

I left Santa Barbara in a sugar comma and craving an apple like none other. I love apples, eat at least one a day and now I was on day 7 with out an apple, so I was Jonesing.

Rest Stop 4 Day 6

At camp that night was the candle light vigil and it was a very moving and beautiful ceremony. I am lucky enough to not know anyone (or know that know) with HIV/AIDS but I was surrounded by people holding photographs of friends or relatives that they had lost. You could hear the sobs of those who the wounds were still fresh and the anguish on the faces of those who have struggled with the lost for decades. I am glad I stayed up to witness the ceremony (trust me, 9:30 was way past my camp bedtime).

Day 7 - Ventura to Los Angeles (60 miles, appx 2,000 ft. climbing)

Today was filled with a lot of "this is the last time...", some with a sigh of disappointment but mostly with a sign of relief.

"This is the last time I will fold up the wet tent."
"This is the last time I will have to drag my luggage to a U-haul across wet grass."
"This is the last time I will brush my teeth using a water bottle and my water source."

You get the idea. We decided to ride day 7 together. Marc and I had ridden the whole ride together, but Molly was not with us. We felt it would be a great way to end the ride. That lasted to the first rest stop, I was good in theory but didn't work for anyone. Molly was being pushed past her comfort zone and Marc and I were getting antsy watching all the other cyclist pass. We mutually decided that it would be better to just meet up with Team OC and the Starbucks along the route and ride in together. But we were able to get in some fun photos before we departed.





Day 7 was cold and misty, like many mornings along the coast in June. We rode along the coast through Malibu and watched dolphins in the surf, pretty amazing. We were then routed on to a multi-use path along the beach to Santa Monica. In Santa Monica we had to get off our bikes, walk down a flight of stairs, take a tunnel under PCH (Pacific Coast Highway) and the take a flight of stairs up the other side. Before the flight of stairs down, was a ramp. I picked up my bike, started to walk down the ramp and slipped and fell hard on my backside. My only "wreck" of the week and I wasn't even on the bike. I was okay, a little shaken up and embarrassed but I was fine to finish the ride.

The closing ceremony was great with a speech by Jane Lynch of Glee and a board member of the LA Gay and Lesbian Center.

WE MADE IT!!

Cheerleaders at the finish line

Closing Ceremony

Jane Lynch

It was a great ride and I really challenged and enjoyed myself. My next post I will give you my final thoughts, reflections and what I learned.

THANK YOU to all of my supporters, I couldn't do it without you!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

AIDS Lifecycle 10 - Recap days 4 & 5

I failed to mention that on Day 3 my right knee really started to bother me. I went to sports medicine at lunch and they looked at my knee. The volunteer PT (I can't even begin to explain how awesome these volunteers are) told me that my inner right quad was weak and the strained muscle was pulling on my knee cap. She stretched me out and told me to stretch at every stop and visit the sports med tent at camp. I took a few ibuprofen and continued the ride.

DAY 4 - Paso Robles to Santa Maria (98 miles, appx 4,000 ft climbing)
Devastation...my trip computer is no longer working!! I think the battery is dieing and I am not getting my data consistently. This really bums me out because I feel so accomplished at the end of a ride when I scroll through the stats of a ride. I didn't realize how much I also rely on it to pace myself.

This was my favorite day of riding, I LOVED IT! Today we had a climb titled the "Evil Twins" but the name was much more scary than the climb. At one point I even asked Marc "Was that it?", but I am a climber and we live in a very hilly, mountainous area so we trained with a lot of climbing. All of the climbing resulted in some fun and fast decents plus some wicked fast flats. At one point we had a great pace line going and the train speed across the gorgeous farmlands (although we were riding way to fast to enjoy them). Yes, I was the only chik involved and I loved every minute of it! It was so much fun and the highlight of the cycling portion of the trip!

Day 4 was the continuation of Marc's mystery flat, he was NOT a happy camper. The tire was flat when he got to his bike in the morning and once again he took off the tube and tire and check everything and NO evidence of the culprit of these flats. So, we aired it up and went on our way. It was a slow leak and after rest stop 1 he would have to pull over every 5 miles or so and air up the tire just to make it to the next rest stop. Finally at rest stop 2, I believe, he got the the 5th tube that held air for the rest of the ride.

Marc at the mechanics tent at Rest Stop 2

Day 4 was also the half way to LA, they had a bunch of signs you could stand next to and take your photo, but it was cold and Marc was still having flat issues at this point so we didn't stand in line for the photo op. Instead I just climbed on a rock and took this photo without the sign, but trust me...I was half way to LA.

Pinky and I are half way to LA!!

Another fun photo...
Rest Stop 2, Day 4

DAY 5 - Santa Maria to Lompoc (42 miles, appx 2,300 ft climbing)
Day 5 is Dress Red Day (or Red Dress Day) on the ALC ride. Everyone is encouraged to wear red and most end up wearing a red dress. I was really amazed how much people get into this and what they are able to ride in! The route was changed from previous years due to a terrible headwind that wiped everyone out, so instead we climbed! In my opinion, these were some of the more difficult climbs of the ride and since they were new, we had no warning or scary names to associate with them. If the route stays the same for next year, I am sure they will be named. This ride was exactly like the riding we did when we lived in the South Bay of LA. If you have ever ridden in Palos Verdes, it is just like this, so we were right at home. This was Marc's favorite day of ridding. It was nice a short, but all the climbing really did a number on my knee. The previous night I went back to sports medicine and they looked at the knee. I was told to come back in the morning to get taped and that is what I did. The K tape or Kineso tape helped but I was still hurting. This was a fun day full of fun costumes, enjoy!

I am not sure if the guy in the right rode in that, but I wouldn't be surprised...

Check out the guy on the left's shoes! He raised his seat and had a cleat in one, so he could only upstroke with one leg...amazing...

I thought this group was so cute and with the hats on their helmets, but they were freezing....it was not warm...

Marc and I at Rest Stop 2, Day 5, obviously very under dresses (newbies)

Stay tuned for the last recap, days 6 & 7!!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

AIDS Lifecycle 10 - Recap days 1-3

As most of you know, last week I rode from San Francisco to Los Angeles, 545 mile, over 7 days. This was the 10th AIDS Lifecycle fundraiser and we raised a record 13 million dollars, making ALC 10 the single largest HIV/AIDS fundraiser on the planet! Day 1, Sunday the 5th marked the 30th anniversary of the first 3 reported cases of HIV/AIDS in LA.

This was my first ALC (AIDS Lifecycle) and I really didn't know what to expect. We had a brunch back in December where one on the TRLs (Training Ride Leader) told me it is the worse vacation you will want to take over and over. When he said that, I thought it sounded pretty harsh but now I know what he meant. More on that later...

I tried to blog from the road and I started out pretty good, but as fatigue set in and my phone battery died, so did my messages. I am going to try and recap my ride but to be honest, the days are starting to run together.

There are many aspects of this ride, one the riding itself, two the charity/fundraising component and three the community and life on the road. I will start off with the first 3 days, so this won't be too long!

Here is Marc and I on Day 1 on the side of the road, that is not lip stick...chapped lips!

The cycling was fantastic! I am a die-hard Texan and like most Texans, I love my state BUT California is amazing and beautiful. This ride gave us the opportunity to see parts of CA that you normally wiz by on the freeway. We had climbing and flats, rollers and some great descends, a little bit of everything and normally you had a taste of all of it each day.

DAY 1 - San Francisco to Santa Cruz (82.5 miles, 5,307 ft climbing) - Due to a route change Day 1 was a little more difficult than years past. We had over 5,000 ft of climbing which was right up my alley. Rain threatened us all day but never showed up. I was on a strict regime of DayQuil and Advil Cold & Sinus and felt pretty good until the last 20 miles when I started to fade.

Each day we typically have 4 rest stops and a lunch stop overflowing with snacks, PowerAide, medical services, mechanical services and port-o-pottys. Each stop had a theme with amazing people cheering us one and of course entertaining us!

Rest Stop 2 Day 1

Rest Stop 3 Day 1


Day 1 was also the start of the camping adventure. I am not much of a camper, a trooper but not a camper (hee hee). So this was the part of the adventure I was dreading the most. After you drop off your bike at bike parking, you have to walk quite a distance to your assigned U-haul to pick up your luggage and tent. Then tramp across a camp ground to your assigned 8' x 8' plot of grass and set up your tent (all in your cycling shoes & cleats). After the first few days it became routine and not a big deal.

Tent City - Not the best photo, but you can see the hundreds and hundreds of tents. With 3,000 cyclist and volunteers, that would be roughly 1500 tents!

DAY 2 Santa Cruz to King City (107 miles 3,200 ft climbing) - Santa Cruz was bit of a logistical challenge for us. We had to utilize a bike path and were only allowed to release 100 cyclist at a time. We were parked near the front of the parking lot, so it took us a little under an hour just to get out of parking and another hour and half to get out of the city due to all the lights.
ALC traffic jam - Santa Cruz

Many cyclist had issues completing the route in time. Each day the route was open from 6:30 AM to 7:00 PM. Which seems like a lot but once you add the all the traffic and length of the route (107 miles) many did not make it (plus Day 1 was pretty tough if you are not use to climbing). Marc and I made it back to camp around 5 PM but Molly was 5 minutes in front of the sweep! She made it and we were sooooo proud, we were told over 700 cyclist took a bus to camp!

Day 2 was rough on me, the hardest day for me. We had some harsh cross winds and rollers that wiped me out. Plus I think the cold wasn't helping me with my recovery from day 1.

Rest Stop 2 - Day 2

There is a local woman know as the Cookie Lady, who bakes cookies for all the cyclist and passes them out at a rest stop. I LOVE COOKIES and this was a huge motivation on a day where I wasn't "feeling it"

Cookie Lady and Shannon AKA "cookie monster" - BEST.COOKIE.EVA!!!


DAY 3 King City to Paso Robles (67 miles, 2,500 ft climbing) - Day 3 included a climb called Quadbuster, a little steep at times but we had much much more difficult climbs on our training rides, so we were well prepared. Day 3 was also the start of Marc's mysterious flat problem. It started on the 101, where we rode on the freeway on the worst concrete possible. It was so broken up that your body just rattled down the road.

Marc with his flat on the 101 as a semi speed past.

He took the tube off and checked the tube, tire, rim...nothing?? So we aired it up and went on our way.

Day 3 was also filled with warm hearts and giving souls. We rode through the small town of Bradley, CA (population 120) where the students host a fundraising lunch each year. They grill up burgers and hot dogs to raise money for their sports programs and the ALC riders were eating it up (figuratively and literally). Our final rest stop of the day was at the oldest mission in CA. For the past 3 years ALC Rest Stop 4 took up donations for the mission. Last year they raise $3,000, more than the annual budget!

Rest Stop 4 - Day 3 accepting donations for the mission - and yes that is a pregnant man in a leotard with a pack of smokes in his top. What else would you expect to see at a mission?

Mission Photos



Stay tuned for the rest of the trip, next up Days 4 & 5!!!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Epic Ride - Hills of Ecstasy

My training group ride with Team OC (for AIDS/Lifecycle) was titled Hills of Ecstasy. I got the route via e-mail on Monday. It was described as:

We will be doing the Hills of Ecstasy! This route will be “arguably” the most difficult ride in this training season. We climb the greatest hits of hills that OC has to offer. Some are so difficult that we have made them an option given that their insanity is nowhere matched on the Lifecycle. Depending on what option you choose or do not choose the ride is 73 miles, however if you decide to go balls to the walls and complete it in its entirety you’ll get a pat on the back from our TRL (Training Ride Leader) Ed while you are nursing you burning legs in the parking lot as you ponder how you survived the grueling 81 Mile tour. After you finish, have pride because you are almost done!!! Just two more rides left!!! And they will be easy … um … in comparison, that is!

Optional hills, eh? If you know anything about me by now, you know it I am always up for a crazy cycling challenge. So, of course I was in and so was the hubs. The first optional climb was challenging, but nothing to write home (or blog home) about. In Southern California we have some pretty hilly terrain and I don't shy away from a climb, so I was pretty well prepared and climbed it with little difficulty.

Next climb was a whole 'nother story. I had heard it was steep, that concerned me. I can do long, but steep is hard. I am not a confident "out-of-the-saddle" climber since the accident, so steep grades can be even more challenging while in the saddle. Let me tell you, it was S.T.E.E.P.! There were 4 of us climbing the hill together, of course I was the only chik! (Girl power!) One of the guys had a Garmin that calculated grade. He said as one point it read 16.5% grade, THEN he had to get out of the saddle because it got steeper and couldn't read the Garmin. I had to lean over my handlebars and get real low so my front tire wouldn't pop up. My Mt. Biking skills (although rusty) helped me a lot here. We were reward with an awesome view title, Top of the World.

Top of the World - Laguna Beach
The ocean is out there, but we had some fog.


Pinky and I - yes, I am a huge dork, but check out that awesome jersey...

Of course the decent was awesome. One of my fellow cyclist said that another team member rode the decent last year and he rode his breaks the whole way down and busted a tube due to the heat created from the breaks rubbing against the metal rim. The whole time down I was like "don't ride the breaks", "Oh I need to break but don't ride the breaks"... I ended up clocking over 43 MPH, a new record for me! But that was nearly a challenging as what would be next...3rd Street. I grabbed this photo off the internet because I was thinking of pictures when I rode upon it. This was my view.


I really don't feel like the photo gives it justice. I actually un-clipped and said (this is very embarrassing) "Marc, I am scared". I was so close to walking my bike down the hill. I knew there was no way i could walk down the hill in my cycling shoes, so riding was my only option. Marc told me to just hold on to my breaks and I would be okay. I got behind my saddle (so I would have more weight on the back tire) and held on for dear life. Once again, mt. biking skills to the rescue. I really thought I might go over the front end it was that steep. But I made it. I would do that steep climb 3 times before I would ride down 3rd street again.

The last five miles were BRUTAL! I was spent and a head wind didn't help. I actually had to take a nap after the ride. It has been a very long time since a ride has wiped me out like that.

Pinky and I will only have 2 short rides this week before the big ride. I am driving up my bike to San Francisco on Thursday and won't see her until the big ride on June 5th. Absence make the heart grow fonder...

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Great Expectations

I had a goal for March, make each week a triple digit mileage week. Before you think I am some ultra marathoner, let me say that 95% of my miles are on a bike. So how did I do?


I started out strong and then I slipped. Now, this week isn't over, so I expect to get in an additional 50 miles. Still 25 miles short of 100 miles.

April is a hectic month, so if I can't pull this off in March...there is no way I can make it in April. I am all for goals, but sometimes I feel that I am just setting my self up for disappointment. I had such great expectations for the month of March, but life got in the way. Weather, work obligations, etc. Overall I am happy that I can get on the bike, run around the lake or go for a swim. At the end of the day does it really matter if I did over 100 miles?

On a much lighter note, this morning I was trying to take a photo of my back. Here are the out takes. Pretty funny....




Monday, March 21, 2011

What kind of athlete do you want to be?

What kind of athlete do you want to be? This is a theme that I see in a lot of other blogs and one I am personally struggle with. My passion is cycling, as I have stated over and over. But as you know, cycling takes time, gear, good weather, etc. Then there is the seductive world of triathlon with its variety, plethora of gear and sexy spoke models. Triathletes have bodies like Greek Gods and you think if you can squeeze in one more training session or up your protein intake, you too can look like that!

I am vain, I admit it. I want swimmers arms, cyclist legs and runners body fat percentage. I want to continue to lift weights because, as you are well aware of, cyclist typically don't rock a set of kick a%* guns. If I need to burn calories in short period of time, I go for a run. I want to challenge myself with a triathlon experience. But as I learned this weekend, all of my "cross training" isn't helping me achieve my current goal, AIDS Lifecycle.

On my 65 training mile ride on Saturday, my legs felt weak and rubbery by mile 30. I felt betrayed by my legs and even took an extra rest day this week. After the ride I was discussing my disappointment with my husband and I stated that I need to train more. He responded with, "I think you need to train less. Just ride."

I keep telling myself that I can do it all, but I just don't think I am there yet. I need to fix on a goal and be willing to let a few things slide in order to achieve that goal. Either I do one thing well, or a bunch of things mediocre. So from now on, I am riding and swimming. I will have to pick up the running after my ride in June and hopefully the swimming will help me with my chicken wings! I can only hope to have Jen S.'s guns!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Weekend Wrap Up

What a weekend! My weekend started early when my normal Thursday night swim lesson was moved to Friday afternoon for a transition lesson. The email from my AMAZING Coach Ali asked if I was up for transition training at the lake? Well, I read are you up for transition training. I guess the part of your brain that tells you to avoid danger just skipped over the part about "the lake". So a few text messages later, I realize I am at the pool and Ali is at the lake. I throw Pinky (my bike) back on the car and head over to the lake. Luckily they are very close and it was probably a good thing that I did not have all week to manifest all of the dangers that lurk in "scary Lake Mission Viejo". I probably would have found another excuse (see Weather Weenie posting) and backed out. I have never swam in a lake. I have spent summers in Lake Huron as a kid, but never really swam in a lake.

So we ditch the bike due to mechanical issues and decide that we are going to swim and run. The swim area is buoyed off and Ali tells me that we are going to run in and swim the perimeter of the roped off area, run up to our "transition area" put on our shoes and run around the park. Okay I can do this, I tell myself. Since I don't have proper tri attire yet, I am in a swim suit and I start to run into the water and I take about 5 steps. DAMN! This water is cold, my legs are aching in pain the water is so cold. Ali tells me to just jump in "you will get use to it". I am not an "just jump in" kind-of-girl and never have been. You can ask my Mom, but that is a whole different Oprah! I am frozen, literally can't move. Ali tells me to get out and try it again, so I do. This time I get in and start to doggie paddle (I really don't want to put my head in the water) and get acclimated to the water. I put my head in and pop right up.

"I forgot how to swim" I tell Ali. She laughs, "What?"
"Really, I don't know what to do and it is really dark down there!"
We have practiced swimming with our eyes closed at the pool, but nothing can prepare you for looking into that murky water.

I doggie paddle to the first buoy just to give myself a chance to calm my breath and get more comfortable in the water. The cold water takes your breath away and makes it much more difficult to get into a breathing rhythm. I swim a few strokes, doggie paddle a few strokes, pretty much the entire 300-400 yards. But I made it! We get out of the water run up to our transition station. Brush the sand off our feet and run around the park at the lake. Let me tell you, running in a swim suit will give any woman a complex about her thighs! I am sure the residents chilling on the beach will have fascinating dinner conversation.

We do this exercise 2 more times, each time the swim gets better. Not good, but better. I had a small hiccup when I started to imagine swallowing water that the fishes poop in. Fish freak me out. Any animal that eats and poops in the same water grosses me out and now I AM DRINKING IT!!! I push this thought out of my head. My form went out the window, I was in survival mode AND I swear a duck was mocking me. But besides that, I did an okay job considering it was my first time out. The sand in my shoes gave my feet a great exfoliation and I left the lake very proud of myself. I am so happy we did it and I will definitely need more lake practice before the actual race.

The following night I had a dream that I was on my bike and it was pitch black outside. I was trying to cross the lake on a very narrow wood plank bridge, but I was so dark I couldn't see where I was going. Every once in awhile I would veer of the bridge and have to ride over slippery rocks. The whole time I was being chase by the lake guards. Hmmmm...

Saturday was a beautiful sunny day in Southern California. We had a 46 mile training ride and I have to admit, I was off my game. My legs were toast from the week of training. Two leg sessions at boot camp, a 20 mile ride and the lake swim the day before did me no favors. There is no such thing as a bad day on the bike, but this was not a great performance. I was bummed to see that my leg recovery has not improved. I am still open to suggestions!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Partners in Crime

I am very lucky to call Molly one of my closest friends and partner in crime.  Let me tell you a little about Molly, she is quite possibly the nicest, kindest person I have ever meet.  She is a true and genuine person with the best attitude.  I would tease her that a grumpy Molly=Shannon on her best day!  She is positive and up beat, the kind of person you want to train with.  We ran the San Francisco marathon together, we are currently learning to swim together for our first tri and she has made me the happiest friend in the world...she bought a bike!

When you have a passion, you want to share it with everyone you love.  I want all of my family and friends experience the joy I feel on a bike.  Now I realize that not everyone will share my passion, but I think I may have Molly hooked!  My husband and I helped her pick out her lovely blue Giant, outfitted her with a Tough Chik jersey and introduced her to clipless pedals.  We have taken her out on a few rides and it is amazing how quickly she has taken to it.  I am very impressed and a little jealous as to how she has progressed.  She is much more comfortable on the bike than I was at that stage.

It is so exciting to me that I can introduce someone I love to the sport I love.  My husband introduced me to cycling and now I get to pass it on to Molly.  I love showing her the ropes, teaching her tricks and watching her grow as a cyclist.  But what is more exciting than that is watching her love for the sport grow.  Cycling can be intimidating and uncomfortable at first but if you stick with it, it can be amazing.  Now she can't wait for the weekend for our rides!  She even signed up to ride the AIDS Lifecycle with us.  545 mile, 7 day ride from San Francisco to LA!

Molly I am so proud of you!

Molly helping me at a Tough Chik event, she had to wake up at 4AM on a Saturday!

Molly, Me and Marc before our first Lifecycle training ride

Molly, Me and Daniel enjoying some pretzels at mile 19 of the SF Marathon
Molly first ever ride!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Sprechen Sie Deutsch

Like most cyclists, I have a trip computer on my bike.  Mine is a little fancy in that it is also a heart rate monitor and an altimeter...because 50 miles and 300 ft of climbing is completely different than 50 miles and 3000 ft climbing.  My trip computer may be smarter than me, I do confess.  It is one of those gadgets, like my "smart phone", that has many more capabilities than what I use it for.  I must admit that I get a kick out of tracking how many miles I have put on the bike over the past year and how many feet I have climbed.  I am interested to see my max heart rate over the course of a strenuous ride.  But, my nifty gadget is temperamental.  Sometimes I can ride for miles and it won't show a reading and then, miraculously, it will start working again.  Just like how your computer is completely fine after a reboot.   So, when the trip computer started to blink on and off, I assumed it was just being pissy and left it alone.  And then the dreaded battery icon.  I don't have a watch battery laying around and as soon as I step away from the bike, the battery icon is a distant memory until the next ride.  This sequence went on for about 2 weeks until, betrayal...a blank screen.  So my personal bike mechanic and loving husband replaced the battery for me.  To my dismay, the reading is now in German.  I do not speak German nor can I calculate kilometers to miles in my head.  Being the fancy trip computer it is, she speaks many languages but seems to prefer Germany these days.  I have absolutely no idea how to change the language setting on the trip computer but I am sure there is a F.A.Q. on the manufacturer's website that can instruct me which 7 buttons to press simultaneously in order to get back to English.  Although if my last ride is any indication, I may be a stronger rider in German!

The real bummer is that ALL of my saved data is GONE!  I have ridden 0 kilometers.  I have 0 max heart rate.  Climbed 0 meters.  Nothing!  Nada!  Zilch!  Null!  It is like my cyclist self never existed.  I feel so unaccomplished, so beginner.  Wait, maybe this is a new beginning.  A fresh start.  All of those weenie flat rides can no longer bring down my average!  I AM FREE!!!!